


A Night to Forget

by NowThatsDedication



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU - Everyone lives, Brotherly Love, Drinking, Erebor, Fluff, Humor, Kili doesn't handle rejection well, blunting the knives and bending the forks, relationship failures, the boys embarrass themselves, vicious hangovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 04:45:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10891965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowThatsDedication/pseuds/NowThatsDedication
Summary: Not much of a plot beside: Fili and Kili get shitfaced to forget about failed relationships. Hearts and dishes get broken and, of course, there are some sweet bro moments.





	A Night to Forget

“It appears hopeless, Kíli, but you cannot give up!” Fíli lifts his brother’s limp arm; there is no will left in him, he fears.  
  
“We’re sons of Durin, we keep fighting.” He tightens his grasp on Kílis shoulder. “Get up! You can get through this,” he urges, passion surging in his voice. “You are strong.”

At those words, Kíli rises with a newfound fire in his eyes.

“Stronger than a-”

“But I can’t believe it, Fíli, I thought she was interested. How utterly cold!” He slumps down again, defeated.

Fíli should have saved his motivational speech for a more serious occasion, but it was worth a try. He drops his head back and stares at the ceiling, contemplating a different approach. A broken heart, he’s had his share, but to Kíli, it is the end of the world. Again.

“You’ll forget about it soon enough. Like all the others.”

“Forget about it?” Kíli erupts. “Forget about it? Like it’s that simple! What should I forget first? The humiliation, or my pride being damaged beyond repair?”

“Wait, are you torn up over her or the rejection itself?”  
  
“Err, uh, both. But she wasn’t very appealing to begin with. Or maybe I’m just telling myself that to ease the pain.”

“You tell yourself whatever you need to get over it.” Fíli lights his pipe. He is obligated to deal with this, it comes with the duty of brotherhood.

“I won’t, ever.”

“You will. Don’t take it personally, it happens to the best of us. It doesn't help that most women of our race are strong willed and fickle.”

“But I'M not fickle, and surely it can’t be me.”

“Of course not!”

“Was it me?”

“Nah. Who was this again?” Fíli seldom keeps track of this brother’s dalliances.

Kíli answers and the very utterance of her name seems to inflict physical distress. Fíli shifts and chews on his pipe. “Do you know of her?”

“I don’t think so, no,” he mumbles. “Come on, we’ll have a drink or two and forget all about this. It’ll cheer you up.”

“There’s not enough ale in the mountain to make me forget,” Kíli sighs. “So you don’t know her?”

“Never heard of her.” Fíli is a terrible liar, unable to master the nuances of it. He returns to his pipe, fending off suspicion with puffs of smoke.

Kíli narrows his eyes.

“I might have briefly met her.”  
  
Kílis brows scrunch downward. He quickly intimidates Fíli into confession without saying a word.  
  
“It was last spring! Nothing serious, I swear.”

“Then why be dishonest?”

“I didn’t want you to feel worse!”

“Why would I? She apparently didn’t care for you, either.”

“Well, I guess, but as I said...fickle, the lot of them. Now how about those drinks?”  
  
****  
  
“Why do we have such awful luck?” Kíli laments as they settle into the stockroom. With unlimited supplies and no interruptions, it is the perfect location to conquer heartache.

“We seem to have certain, let's say, advantages, and yet...”

Fíli shrugs and over pours, foam spilling over the mug and onto Kíli’s hand. He licks his fingers and chugs with determination.

"Easy, easy! I have your back, but don’t get sloppy. I wouldn't say we’re unlucky.”

“Cursed. We’re cursed,” Kíli says between gulps.

"We’re maybe, I don't know, misunderstood? Either that, or we’re being sabotaged.”

Kíli comes up for air and thrusts his empty mug in Fíli’s face. He obliges, but after the third refill he hesitates.

“What, I can’t handle my drink, just like I can’t handle w-women?”

“You aren’t going to get belligerent, are you?” At least he’s no longer moping, Fíli notices as he measures out another pint. 

Kíli’s laugh fills the room faster than the ale to the cup. “No! Why would I be? What were we forgetting again? I can’t recall.”

“Nothing. Cheers, brother.” Fíli brushes aside a braid before it dips into the froth and continues on with greedy gulps.

Kíli pokes at Fili’s ear, because he knows he hates it, and tries to make him spit out his mouthful. 

“Quit it or I'll cut you off and drag your arse out of here.” Combative or childish - which is easier to deal with? Fíli wonders. 

"Oh, yes, now I remember! I was passed up by a beauty, because…because YOU left such a bad impression on her. Guilty by association, you know? Always ruining my chances,” he winks. 

"Definitely not my fault!” Fíli is light headed now, just a little. He has to quit while ahead, be responsible. Kíli, at his worst, has a penchant for damaging property and other generally frowned upon behaviors. But that is rare, and this is different; he isn’t in a mischievous mood. Is he? 

They've already hit bottom of a once full barrel. 

"Fíli, Fíli, my brother, my friend, my unswerving protector, I need to teach you how to…how to lie,” he declares and pops the cork off a bottle. They are going to deplete the beverage supply of the entire mountain at this rate. Kíli sniffs at it and scowls. “Ugh, what is this?” He takes a long swig then wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “The trick is to be convincing.”

"How do I do that?”

“Do what?

“Be convincing!”

"Look, I try, alright? I always have to p-prove myself, always, always,” Kíli complains, in a moment of confusion. “Nevermind…what did I mean to…when you lie, you have to believe it yourself.”

"Do you lie to me often?”

"What? No! Not to you,” he swears with glassy eyes.

"That’s good. Because I was wrong to lie to you earlier.”

"About what?”

"Ah, forget it, remember? We’re forgetting!”

"Right! Forgetting everything!” Kíli wildly swings the bottle. It slips from his hand, airborne, and shatters against the wall. “Oh,” he murmurs, like a naughty child about to be scolded. But then, a fit of laughter, “It tasted awful anyway!”

Fíli kicks the shards of glass away. “We won’t tell anyone. It was an accident.”

“Right, an a-a-ascadent. Believe your lie. Believe in yourself, Fí. Believe!” He stumbles. “Oh, shhii-”

“Kíli, are you that far gone?” He reaches out to catch him. “The night is still early!”

“Nah, I’m still here. Here, have some more,” he drops a jug of unknown contents into Fíli’s lap. “Don’t be so proper and ssssensible. We both know you’re not.”  
  
“Someone has to be.”  
  
“Forget about that!”

Fíli giggles at the thought. Wouldn’t that be a relief! He has already reneged on his promise to be responsible tonight. A terrible idea comes to him, only it presents itself as a brilliant revelation.

“Hey, let’s find out why that very confused lass passed you…us…up. Aren’t you curious? Maybe you’ll learn something useful for next time.”  
  
Kíli would have agreed to any proposition at this point. He produces a flask from his pocket and pours one of the remaining bottles into it. Half of it spills to the floor. “For the road,” he says, swaying.  
  
The mere smell of it makes Fíli dizzy.  
  
****

Fíli and Kíli stagger down the halls and up stairways, as if they are fused together at the shoulder; they can’t stand upright on their own.

They belt out the best drinking songs they can recall, their voices growing louder and less coherent the farther they trudge. Eventually, Fíli stops blushing at the bawdy verses and Kíli yells at the top of his lungs to no discernable melody.  
  
Already making a spectacle, they are goaded by the encouraging cheers of onlookers.

“There they go again!”

“Make us proud, lads!”

“Bless them, they have the stamina of a dozen dwarves.”

“What's the occasion?”

“We’re forgetting everything!” the brothers answer. “And we don't care!”

“Good luck, boys! You'll be there in no time!”

****

“There’s her place,” Kíli points a shaky finger down a maze-like corridor. “Fourth on the left.”  
  
“How do you know that?”  
  
“Pffff, oh come on.”  
  
They stand at the door for a moment, unsure how to proceed. Fíli straightens Kíli’s shirt and smoothes his hair down. He doesn't notice, because if he did, he would have squirmed away.

Fíli finally knocks with slight hesitation. “We just want an answer. Don't be under the impression that she'll want you back, you hear me?”

“I hear you,” Kíli says, “but I have no idea what you're saying.”

A muffled shout answers from the other side. “Who in their right mind is calling at this hour?”

“I thought I'd never hear her lovely voice again!” Kíli cooed, “Or see her beautiful-”  
  
“Oh, it’s you…and you.” The professed beautiful girl with a lovely voice eyes them with wariness and crosses her arms. She seems annoyed for some reason they can't understand. “Well? What is it?”  
  
‘I just wanna…wanna say…”  
  
“Kíli, I told you, we are simply not compatible.”  
  
“Maybe not right now, but what about tomorrow?”  
  
“Never.”  
  
“She loves me,” he whispers to Fíli, “she just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Can you gi-give us a moment alone?”  
  
Fíli will not leave him to certain annihilation, it’s another one of the duties of brotherhood.  
  
“No, you need me here. Trust me.”  
  
She turns to Fíli. “Why are you putting him up to this, letting him embarrass himself? I thought you’d have a bit more sense.”  
  
Hot, fiery courage bubbles up within Fíli, or maybe it’s the ale resurfacing, and he thinks, what is the harm in asking now?  
  
“If you assume me to be sensible, then why did you…uhhh…not want me?”  
  
“Great Durin’s beard! Are you kidding me?”  
  
Fíli blinks. He doesn't know. He doesn't know why they ended up here, of all places.  
  
“I’ve never seen a lad so fixated on his weapons! The swords, the axes, the little knives everywhere...and I nearly lost an eye from one!”

“I told you to be careful-”

“The way you caressed those blades, it could drive a girl to jealousy! I was clearly not on the same level to deserve such affection. How does one compete with that?”  
  
Kíli laughs until his sides ache and he can no longer feel his face. “You idiot, you! No wonder!”

Fíli snatches the flask and rushes the remaining drops down his throat.

“So now that the obvious has been cleared up...again...there's nothing further to say, is there? I bid you goodni-”

“Wait! My…my lovely, why do you reject ME?” Kíli snivels.

“Clearly it’s not because of your immaturity. That can’t be it,” she rolls her eyes.

“Huh? But you don't know how sssserious...I mean, REALLY sssseriouss I can be.”

“Were you being serious with your dumb pranks, which you seem to think are oh so clever?”  
  
“They are!”

“Do you think it's appropriate to throw food at me? Do you think it's funny?”

“That means he likes you,” Fíli interjects.

"And your juvenile jokes! How many different words can there possibly be for a...a part of anatomy?

"You'd be surprised. But you didn't seem offfffended when I-”

“You know what else is offensive? Your ridiculous embellishments, your tall tales! Do you think I'm gullible? Am I to actually believe you took down five armored trolls?”

“He got four,” Fíli corrects, “close enough.”

“I don't find any of this behavior attractive.”

“I'm just playing around! I can be very, very, VERY romantical.”

“Why don’t you give my little brother another chance? He has such a big heart, can’t you see?” Fíli must defend him, even in the most futile situations.  
  
“Little? I am not little!”  
  
“To me, I mean."

“Still not!”

“Whatever. As I was saying, he’s so great and kind and he taught me how to lie.”

“Isn't that sweet.” Her hand hovers on the door, almost ready to shut them out.

“Nah, my brother here, HE is the b-best, truly,” Kíli claims, “even if he can’t curb his ob-ob-obsessions. He always has my back!” Kíli involuntarily rocks forward and Fíli steadies him to his feet. “See? That is love, or something.”  
  
“Aww, Kí! You don’t even know what you’re saying now!”

“I mean it from the bottom of my...my...where’s that come from again? From my guts. Where would I be without you?”

“Probably in all sorts of trouble. You know, without you I’d be in a lot less trouble, but I wouldn't give you up for the world.”  
  
“Are you finished?” The declarations of brotherly love are wearing thin on the reluctant witness.  
  
“No, I’m telling you,” Fíli pleads, “he is an absolute prince. A literal prince! As am I, of course.”  
  
“I don’t care what you are. I don’t care if you can fly! Don’t bother me again!”  
  
“Did…did I ever tell you that we flew once? On a big…on a big eagle, we flew,” Kíli slurs. “A big, m-majestic eagle.”

The door slams in their faces. Fíli trips backward in surprise and brings Kíli along with him. They land hard in a tangled heap.  
  
“Hmmm, the wind must’ve blown it shut.”

“What wind? We’re under a mountain.”  
  
“Let me tell myself whatever I need to!” Kíli howls in despair.  
  
“Let’s get out of here. We never should have done this.” Fíli drags him off the ground and away from his dashed hopes.  
  
Kíli looks back over his shoulder with wistful eyes. “My darling...my lovely.”  
  
“Stop! You can do much better. You deserve the best.”  
  
“But-”  
  
Fíli means to smack a little reason into him, but his aim is off and instead slaps Kíli hard across the mouth.  
  
“Owww,” he reacts with delay, yet it’s unlikely he feels much.  
  
“Sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean to. You helpless fool, who would ever mean to hurt you?”  
  
“She did!”

Fíli hatches another terrible plan. “You know what we need to do to forget about this unfortunate little incident?”  
  
****

The light is blindingly bright, like staring at the sun. Fíli is not sure where he is, but this certainly isn’t his bedroom. He thought they made it back last night. Or this morning, whatever it was.

Everything is moving, cruelly spinning without end. Then he is floating, rising upward, his legs as sturdy as pudding. A dream, perhaps? Or a self-induced stupor.

“Fíli,” a familiar voice hums in his ears.  
  
“Hmm, yes. That’s me.”  
  
“Fíli!” Something or someone shakes him and his mind straightens out within seconds.

“Thorin? Where am I?”

“In the kitchen.”

His head pounds like a war drum. “Where’s Kíli?”

Thorin glances to the left. Kíli is sprawled face down, clutching a spoon in one hand.

“Is he alright?”

“You tell me. He’s breathing, if that’s what you are asking.”

“I can explain everything, it's really not that-”  
  
“This goes beyond normal behavior. You are held to higher standards…” Fíli heard this before, so he doesn’t miss much as he drifts in and out of awareness, “...embarrassing to act like a couple of...and word came back to me that you were…nearly three barrels worth…hopefully your mother won’t hear...disgraceful.”  
  
Unreasonably harsh over a bit of merriment! Surely Thorin once let loose in his youth, years before the permanently furrowed brows and lack of humor, or perhaps he hadn’t, and that’s why he doesn't understand. Fíli will never let himself become so austere, he swears to himself, and won’t allow Kíli to, either.

“You should be ashamed.”

Fíli might be dreadfully hungover, but he is not particularly ashamed. He had good intentions: to help Kíli. They didn’t hurt anyone but themselves, and maybe their reputations, but that hardly matters. He isn’t sorry. What did Kíli say about lying?

“I’m sorry, it was very poor conduct.”

“Don’t just apologize to me, apologize to him. You should have never allowed him to act like that.”

“Kíli can make his own decisions.”

“Poor ones, and you don’t do much better.”

Fíli continues to convince himself. It's easier than he thought. “It won’t happen again.”

Thorin ends his lecture. He believes it! It does work, after all.

“Tend to your brother,” Thorin stomps away, kicking the night’s debris from his path and cursing under his breath. “And clean up this mess!”  
  
His bewildered heir scans the room: broken dishes, smashed bottles, an overturned table, cutlery snapped in half, heavily dented pots and pans, loaves of bread riddled with…bite marks? Did they really turn savage after a couple of kegs? A pair of goblins, they were!

Fíli pries one of his knives loose from the pantry door. He has no recollection of how they wound up in the kitchen, or why they trashed it. Except for a foggy wisp of memory: tossing plates to Kíli as he begged, “Here, over here, throw them and I’ll catch! Just like that one time, remember?” From the looks of it, they hadn’t been very successful.

“Kíli? Can you hear me?” Kíli stirs with a raspy groan. He takes his time rejoining the world of the conscious and stares in confusion at the spoon he's holding.

Fíli kneels down and pats his back. “I’m sorry I let you get this bad. I was just trying to help you forget about –”

"Forget what? I can’t remember shit.”

"That’s a good start.”

"Shhh, shhh, lower your voice,” he winces, “you're so loud.” 

"Me? I'M loud?”

Kíli sits up, too fast, and has a queasy look about him. Don't get sick, don't get sick, not on my boots, Fíli silently prays. He pulls back his brother’s sticky hair and catches the scent of molasses. 

Kíli recovers with a only hiccough and the color returns to his face. 

"Phew, you’re resilient aren't you? A real champion,” Fíli praises with relief. He knows this is one thing, no matter how hard he practices, he can never beat Kíli at. 

Kíli's eyes finally focus. “Damn this bright light! Dear Mahal, what did you do in here?”

"It was you, too! I couldn’t have done this by myself!”

"True, you amateur.”

"Let me help you up.” Fíli attempts to lift the wobbling, dead weight to his feet. 

"Why, so I can lie down again? Somewhere softer, please, if so. So what happened?”

"Damned if I know.”

"Whatever we did last night, it looks like we had fun.”

“Except when we became desperate beggars, groveling at the feet of a very poor match...for both of us. That was a mistake.”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later, and honestly, I no longer care. There are plenty of axes in the armory, so to speak, but I have but one brother and he is a great one.”  
  
“And you are sober saying this now! Such an honor, I'm touched.”  
  
Kíli nods with his eyes shut tight. “Only I’m not quite sober yet.”  
  
“I'm once again on Thorin’s bad side but it was worth it, for your sake.”  
  
“Worth cleaning up this disaster?”  
  
“You're going to help me!”  
  
Kíli holds his head and whines.  
  
“When you feel better.”  
  
“We can always just forget about it.”  
  
“Kíli! Haven't you learned anything from last night? Maybe that isn’t the best solution to our problems.”  
  
“What did I learn, what did I learn?” He mulled. “Ah, I discovered that women can be fickle, and know not to drink anything without having a sniff first. That’s it. Oh, and you get weird around your swords but I already knew that.”

"Uh huh. It's not as if you're free of...quirks.”

"Ahh, so it is. What’s wrong with us?”

"Nothing,” Fíli assures. A sly smile spreads across his face. “Absolutely nothing.”

"Ha!” Kíli beams with pride, “looks like you learned something, too!” 

 


End file.
